I just had a cool experience…

I’ve been feeling angsty tonight because I’m not where I want to be in my life – in many ways.  I’m heading to Mexico (Puerto Vallarta) in 3 weeks and ironically enough, my trip falls on the exact date that I went there on my Honeymoon 11 years ago.  I found out a few weeks ago that we are staying at the exact same hotel I stayed at back then!!  How weird is that?  And what exactly are the chances of that??  To top it off, I got an email from that ex last week!  Am I in the Twilight Zone or what?  That experience (divorce) completely changed me and ultimately took me down a path of Self-Discovery that I know would not have happened otherwise – especially to the extent it did.  I am a firm believer that Everything happens for a reason.  Anyway, I briefly told my story last week to someone and it was odd yet nice to feel like I was talking about someone else – totally removed from the emotions and experience.  I found myself wondering what the point of sharing it was.  I look at all of this as coming full circle. 

Tonight there was a lot on my mind.  You know, the usual – who’s gonna win the World Cup.  Bwaaa  No it was heavy duty stuff like life and love and relationships and frustrations and how to really focus and create what I want.  I was writing in my journal and remembering the olden days when I used to whip out a poem that captured my feelings.  It’s been well over two years since I’ve written a poem (minus the one I tried to write last week that just wasn’t flowing at the time).  Up until two years ago, I wouldn’t go a month without writing at least one poem!   The lack of inspiration to write bugged me so much tonight that I decided I would find my poetry block and remove it.  Roar!!!  (This is going to get woo-woo, so deal with it)  I got quiet and tuned into my heart and let my intuition guide me and well — I removed it and wouldn’t you know it – right afterward, the words of this poem started flooding in.  Zowie!  This is pretty much what I saw, how I removed it and what it meant:

Fresh Start – AJO (A Jyll Original)
They live inside the walls of my cherry wood box
folded up tightly like love notes from the past.
My pain from various broken hearted moments
are wadded up and upon my life a shadow is cast.
Hiding behind the loss of yesterday’s experience
I realize and pull open the unlocked lid.
The contents rustle around as the air revives their death,
each floating out of the box where many years they hid.
I grasp at them and help send them into outer space,
a recognition, an acknowledgment, a final farewell given.
Pushing them further away from me, a burden lifted
Knowingness that failures fade and there’s more life to be living.
I cannot remove the box, it sinks back down and stays,
ready to welcome and savor new experiences, it’s a rebirth of my heart.
The lid remains closed however until something is treasured.
Keeping only the triumphs – that’s my new focus, my fresh start.

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